The Laws of Social Dynamics

1. Never get a stiffy for your boss.
2. The ability to alter the facts to fit their views is the one thing stupid people have in common with powerful ones.
3. The reason you hate your parents is that most of the time, they're right.
4. The reason you hate your kids is that most of the time, they're right.
5. Waitresses don't flirt with you. They get paid to look you in the eye and smile.
6. Everybody loves an honest man who knows how to keep his mouth shut.
7. The more reason you have to be lonely, the less anyone cares how you feel.
8. Listen by watching. Talk is composed of flapping lips and hot air.
9. Thoughtlessness is deadlier than malice.
10. If you're bored, it's because you're boring.
11. Most people will thank you for your patience by blowing you off.
12. Cheaters prosper.
13. No matter how much they smile, everybody hates the last asshole in the bar.
14. Nine lies out of ten are told at you, not to you.
15. Beauty and character are an exceedingly rare combination.
16. The likelihood of any given group making an intelligent decision is inversely proportional to the number of people in the group.