Sunday, January 15, 2012

What are Your 2012 Christmas Plans? (or "How to Handle the End of Days")

Every three or four years some nit-wit starts waving their arms and running through the street shouting that the sky is falling.

It never does though.

Personally I think the whole 2012 hysteria is a bunch of idiotic nonsense, but if you really believe it here's what I recommend...

  • Quit Your Job: I guess getting ahead is pretty much pointless and you don't want to spend the last year of your life working, do you?
  • Liquidate All Your Assets: Remortgage your house, sell off your 401k, and cash in the kids college fund.
  • Lose The Dead Weight: Unless you're blissfully happy get rid of the wife and kids. Go out wenching and don't bother with protection. You won't live long enough for it to matter.
  • Party Your Ass Off: There's no point in trying to leave behind a legacy or make a difference. Just party party party! Live for the moment because tomorrow will not come at all!
Oh... and if the world doesn't end expect a few awkward moments. I for one, when I see you destitute and wandering the streets alone, unloved, and in the throes of addiction and the early stages of penicillin resistant syphilis, am going to LOL. And don't come looking for help. I'm just going to tell you to "kiss my ***" if you come around begging for change.

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